Letting go in Love vs. Bitterness and Pain

For the past three weeks, I have done a catharsis in the way of writing letters to this man that I let go of. It was my way of understanding my feelings and emotions that I didn’t know had gone so deep. What has happened is that the writings are so much that I believe it has turned out to a book.

I have been in the process of writing a book with my sister, but this kind of morphed out of me and it totally took me by surprise. So it will be published soon. I just have to transcribe all these letters which I wrote at all hours of the days including being woken up at 2, 3 or 4 AM. It somehow took over me. Read more

Technorati Tags: personal growth, relationship, self development, self growth

My feet feel grounded

I am feeling my feet firmly on the ground. Feeling stable and secure is
something that is being ripped out of - from under the carpets, so to say for a lot of people nowadays.  In this financial crisis, Lehman Brothers going bankrupt, AIG Insurance being rescued by the federal government today, Merrill Lynch being bought out by Bank of America. Huge institutions worth hundreds of billions of trillions together are losing over 75% of their values.  And at the same time, all of the
people that comprise these organizations are feeling devalued.  Read more

Technorati Tags: achieving goals, dreams, dreams and goals, vison

Can you see any symbols?

The passion that I have for my dream is greater now than the infancy of this relationship. I feel there is a possibility that I am choosing to go in this
direction right now. That is where my heart is. I thought I could do both;
I’m not sure if I can. Maybe I will. But for now, this is where I’m being led. 
A relationship does take time to nourish and to grow. And so it is with this new creative projects that I am doing with my sister. It all takes away from  my free time, besides the fact that I’m also a mother,and I also love
to enjoy time with my family and friends.

 We seem to be limited by time, but I realize that I limit myself in what I really want to achieve. Here I was confronted with finding a beautiful, potential relationship. Yet, it was broken up. Not by my intentions, initially. It was by fear, which we now realize. Now, I don’t know. I don’t know where I’m heading with the relationship; if I am or not. I’ve let it go for now.

It’s funny; I always look at symbols, any symbols around me. I was going to the bank, and there’s all these road blocks that say” Road Closed,  Local Traffic Only, Under Construction, Detour. 

That has been going on for one week on the road that I always usually take.  I always take the same road, and then I keep getting into that road block/detour. I’m just going to take that as a symbol that right now I’m going into that direction, a new direction, and following my dream.  This is a detour.If my dreams are to involve this man, I want to trust that, that God or a higher power will lead me to him. I just simply surrender right now into where I am led in my heart.

Technorati Tags: Personal Development, personal growth, relationship

Going back to me and following my passion

For me, letting go of this short relationship that felt like a potential true
partnership at this critical juncture of time meant that I had to make
a choice. It was not whether I should meet another man .  
It was a choice of stayingin this relationship or pursue my dreams, the creativity and the part of me that I finally discovered.  I thought I could do both.  And I think I probably still can.  Read more

Technorati Tags: letting go, relationship

Being grateful and being led

This past week has been an interesting week in my new relationship.  Things took an unexpected turn, and I broke it off.  There is still a possibility for there is much in the sense of understanding, compassion, and love and kindness, great qualities that do exist between myself and this other person.  However, I was feeling a disconnect  on an emotional level. I was sensing probably his fear of getting hurt even though he didn’t project it that way.  Read more

Technorati Tags: personal growth, relationship

Let go or engage?

One of the things that  I saw a good friend go through in this
torturous letting go of an eight year relationship was her constant questioning.  What if it could have been this?  What if it could have been that, and what do you think he’s thinking?  What do you think he’s doing?  Do you think he loves me?  Do you think he loves the other girl?  No matter what, you’re mind just goes into a frenzy, of questioning
and questioning and questioning.  There’s never an answer.  I really feel that if two people really love each other it just will flow like that saying, if you let it go free and if it comes back to you, it was meant to be. If not it never was meant to be. It will just happen. 

  We, as human beings, are so worn out in these battlefields that we shut ourselves out of the experience when it gets too intense.  Because loving does entail pain and conflict sometime.  We get on each others nerves or sit back and say, “You know what, I choose to be alone and not engaged in this.”  The beauty of life is to engage because as you engage, its the vitality of life and passion.  To constantly engage and retreat and engage and retreat, it’s like a wave. 

Technorati Tags: letting go, relationship

The hurricane didn’t hit us

I have been writing these past days non stop some letters to myself which are addressed to my boyfriend. It is my way of letting go, writing letters. Its my way of releasing whatever range of emotions are going thru me instead of yakking my head off to my friends and driving them crazy. Here is an excerpt from today:

I just heard this morning that Hurricane Ike is not really heading in this
direction.  There’s been a lot of anticipation of this hurricane coming to
Miami, a Category Four.  Who knows what would have happened if we stayed together during these, as you call, times of uncertainty.  Maybe our
relationship would have been a Category Four and you were anticipating the
struggles and you just wanted to avoid the storm.  Just like Ike just went away,  I just went away. Maybe it’s easier.  But I do know that when storms happen, people pull together. Read more

Technorati Tags: relationship

A time to pause

As they say, there is a time and a season, and for me, the season of this
relationship which seemed to be flourishing has taken a turn in the wind. It is not out of conflict, but simply what I sense out of fear of embracing what can be so grand and expanding, but in the midst of uncertainty and limitations with him finding a job, it must be set free. Read more

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Acknowledging who we are

I was talking to a friend of mine today that has been very successful
in business.  And for her, there seems to be a lack of acknowledgement of the love that she feels from her mother.  Not for her mother, but from her mother. 
Her mother grew up  feeling  lack financially, and even though her mother was  a hard worker and able to create a good sustenance financially, for some reason she projected unconsciously, all this lack from her upbringing to her daughter. It doesnt mean she doesn’t love her, because I know she does. Read more

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Leap of Faith and taking Baby Steps

What if your destiny is nothing but taking small steps, led by a vision that you have initialized by a leap of faith in your hopes dreams and desires, and you are taken into a reality that becomes your destiny. For me, the word “destiny” or “fate” connotates sometimes something too big and therefore a sense of being unattainable. Read more

Technorati Tags: destiny, dreams and goals, faith, fate, God

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