I have been writing these past days non stop some letters to myself which are addressed to my boyfriend. It is my way of letting go, writing letters. Its my way of releasing whatever range of emotions are going thru me instead of yakking my head off to my friends and driving them crazy. Here is an excerpt from today:
I just heard this morning that Hurricane Ike is not really heading in this direction. There’s been a lot of anticipation of this hurricane coming to Miami, a Category Four. Who knows what would have happened if we stayed together during these, as you call, times of uncertainty. Maybe our relationship would have been a Category Four and you were anticipating the struggles and you just wanted to avoid the storm. Just like Ike you went away, I went away. Maybe it’s easier. But I do know that when storms happen, people pull together.
At least from what I remember, especially from Hurricane Andrew in 1992, it’s a time when people actually get closer, during these storms. I guess you have to know how to handle it. Some people avoid confrontation at all costs and they’d rather just go away and maybe take a flight somewhere else or drive off into a different location to avoid the storm.That might be a smart thing, but if you are caught in the middle of a storm, like a Category Four, and using the analogy of relationships, well, you have to know how to go through it.
I’m not saying you don’t, because I know you’ve been through a lot of your own challenges and maybe you’re tired, the age that you’re at, but I always know that the most important thing is that supporting our love for each other, as I said to you already, can move mountains. I’m not saying these words to give hope because I don’t think I’m going to give you these letters.
It’s just my own way of letting go. I let go and I wrote all those beautiful things yesterday, I did my process in the weekend, of wishing you well and just making that decision to really let go. But then, of course, our memories are still very present and lingering, and I just wonder how could it have been if we whethered whatever storms may come our way.