Because my sister finally came out of hiding and openly posted her frustration of her energy level last week, I can comment on my take on it. When we are not following our passion, we tend to go into addictions. They come in many forms: overeating, drug abuse, alcoholism, over spending, cigarettes, gambling, toxic relationships etc…
The fact that anyone has an addiction does not take away their talent. It simply is not being tapped and utilized, left lying in some corner collecting dust. For Maria, her weight has become toxic and causes her to be sleepy and even depressed. Her talents lie hidden because she is not taking care of her body.
My addictions in the past were toxic relationships, needing a man to fulfill me and then being constantly disappointed. Cigarette smoking creeps up on me a couple of times a year only because I used to be a social smoker over 7 years ago.(4 a day). So if I go out for a drink with friends who are also smoking, I may be tempted. Except now, my body can barely tolerate 1 cigarette. I immediately feel the toxins spread through my veins and wonder: “Why did I do that?’
Since I have let go of my main dysfunction – toxic relationships, I find myself with an abundance of energy. So much that it scares me sometimes. In my total focus mode these past months, even having a glass of winde starts making my head spin as if I have had a whole bottle of wine. I am lucky I didnt do drugs because I saw my brother go through hell in the 1980’s.
The last toxic residue I have is the burden of debt. I didn’t have disability insurance after my accident and had to refinance my home while I recovered in 2003. All my savings vanished and found myself having to pull from credit lines as well to keep my business running during the year I couldn’t walk. It was going well again until 2007.
All this can be stemmed from my toxic relationships. I have a laundry list of all the why’s. That doesn’t matter right now. What matters is: What am I going to do about it. My overabundance of energy is balanced now with exercise and meditation. That is what I tell my sister now. “If you are sluggish in your body, then change NOW!” Don’t give me your laundry list of why? I love you Maria, and I hope you can overcome this soon.
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