Last August, I was gifted with being able to work with my sister full time. Our main focus was to work the real estate market to sustain us and on the side, we developed a plan for our future besides the real estate. I was worried about my ankle hurting so much and the requirement of showing property. I had been visioning for the last two years simply finding a way to share my inspirations that I had had after my car accident five and a half years ago. The good thing is that my sister is a licensed mental health therapist and because we are family, we were able to create some amazing concepts for living a life free of suffering, pain and loss.
Yes, these things confront all of us in some way or another so that we can stop and reaccess and learn from these experiences so we can move on beyond the pain, suffering and loss and have the hope to make our lives better. Yes, I am worn out by my current financial crisis as a realtor and temporarily limited because of this ankle situation.
But in my heart there is a fire burning inside of me that is very present and very alive. Its beyond all this current crisis we are living. Its as if there is another life waiting ahead of me because of all the time I spent last year nurturing these dreams with my sister, spending tons of hours in inspiration, in dreaming, in play, in laughter, in joy.
And all the while while I was living this with my sister, the real estate market was crashing. I didn’t know how bad it would get. But I kept dreaming and visioning for a better life as one by one all my deals disintegrated and fell apart. It made me persist in something better. I risked a lot. But I feel it was worth it. I am living now by a thread of a rope, not just the rope. I am devastated by my current financial situation. I am not afraid of speaking about it because I know so many more people are going thru this. Who wants to say or even utter the word that they are a failure. I have felt it.
I do not want to affirm it. I did feel in some way I failed my son, by being in this position. But I have to go beyond it and look ahead to those dreams I nurtured. I can’t let them go. Because that is my fuel. That is what ignites my passion. I am on one level worn out, deeply affected by what is happening in this city, and in my real estate work which I have identified myself for the last 23 years. But I will persist. I know I can still make more real estate deals. I just needed time to reflect like I have in these past three weeks to regain my confidence.
And just as I will walk strong again, with a new ankle I can step forward and rise above all this seeming chaos and claim victory over my seeming “failure”. That is just the small part of me that wants to throw in the towel and say I am a victim of circumstance. But where is that going to lead me? Out of my house? Out on the street and file bankruptcy? I felt that way in April, when I couldn’t walk anymore. But I guess you could say, God didn’t let me.
The funny thing is that there have been so many demonstrations of this amazing force in this last year and last month was the icing on the cake. So no matter how much I want to throw in the towel, God doesn’t let me. It really irks me in a funny way, because I can’t stick my head in the sand and deny the beautiful manifestations that have occurred. Hey I even had a lunch date yesterday, even with big foot attached to me. You can call it God, greater power, higher source, higher mind, whatever. I am just going to call it God. Maria calls it Lord. It doesn’t matter. What matters is to have that undeniable trust that you are being guided by a higher power.
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