When I had my acar accident 5 1/2 years ago, I didn’t know what hit me. All I did know was that I was stressed and miserable in a 7 year relationship that was very dysfunctional. In my work, I was doing great, but inside I was breaking at the seams. The last post I wrote about my Chryssalis was a metaphor about how we must take time to pause and rethink what direction we are heading, as individuals, as families, as a community, as a nation and as a planet.
I felt in a way, I was a ” hostage” of my own mind of being in unbalanced relationships and I kept recreating and recreating the same scenarios. Whatever unconscious patterns or thoughts I had, were deeply engrained in my psyche, I didn’t even know I had them. I was victim to the negative thoughts I carried regarding relationships, ie.. all men are ?!?!, they are out only to hurt me, they don’t respect women, etcc..
I think these thoughts are carried in our cells and even transmitted generationally. My family is from Colombia and there is alot of machismo there. My mom stayed at home to take care of the kids and never worked. My father was responsible, hardworking and non abusive, very gentle and kind. It is so confusing to attempt to trace where all these thought patterns came from.
The key is that I took the time for myself in these last years to re-think and train the neurons of my brain, to accept that I can have happiness in that arena, and enter into a new relationship without the fears or same old recurring thoughts to saboutage this new potential relationship. I am being very conscious of my thoughts in this. I am taking it slow and allowing this to be a good and fruitful experience.
Don’t be afraid to go in your cocoon for a while. Its OK if its “all about you” for a change. My mother gave me this pillow last month to lean my ankle on after the surgery. Today I passed it on to my sister. As a married mom, she is always taking care of everyone except herself. I told her she needs to put the pillow between her and her husband so he doesnt get offended if she is into her “cacoon” mode. He’s gotten alot of attention. Its time for Maria too.
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