Single Mom Shares How To Find Inner Peace, Self Esteem & Confidence. Transform Your Life!

Author: Blanca Stella

  • The Hurricane Didn’t Hit Us

    september-8-07-stormI have been writing these past days non stop some letters to myself which are addressed to my boyfriend. It is my way of letting go, writing letters. Its my way of releasing whatever range of emotions are going thru me instead of yakking my head off to my friends and driving them crazy. Here is an excerpt from today:

    I just heard this morning that Hurricane Ike is not really heading in this direction.  There’s been a lot of anticipation of this hurricane coming to Miami, a Category Four.  Who knows what would have happened if we stayed together during these, as you call, times of uncertainty.  Maybe our relationship would have been a Category Four and you were anticipating the struggles and you just wanted to avoid the storm.  Just like Ike you  went away,  I went away. Maybe it’s easier.  But I do know that when storms happen, people pull together. (more…)

  • A Time to Reflect and Take a Break

    kiteAs they say, there is a time and a season, and for me, the season of this relationship which seemed to be flourishing has taken a turn in the wind. It is not out of conflict, but simply what I sense out of fear of embracing what can be so grand and expanding, but in the midst of uncertainty and limitations with him finding a job, it must be set free.

    It all started with him looking ahead a few months and seeing that there might be a turn in the road and in his anticipation, wanted to be clear and afraid of hurting me in case he found a job in another city. He is having difficulty finding a job in his industry and the gloom on the streets is not giving him confidence to find work in the field he has been for so many years.

    I understand this, but I also said that love is the most powerful force, and love can find ways if 2 people in love are meant to be together. I put the intention of a divine love and I believe anything with that kind of intention can move mountains. I understand his confusion and anxiety It is out there in so many ways.

     But I am also in the midst of starting over in my own business. I was feeling that love can support and uplift each other, but instead it seems fear and anxiety is taking over. I am  sad, but not heartbroken. I have to set it free and what may have been a potential for what I thought was something greater can be burst in the wind and freed of its
    limitations.

    For my feeling is that true love is beyond any restrictions and if embraced fully- can create magic.

  • Acknowledging Our Real Value

    dollars-50-100I was talking to an acquaintance who has been very successful in business.  For her, there seems to be a lack of acknowledgement of the love that she feels from her mother.  Not for her mother, but from her mother. Her mother grew up  feeling  lack financially, and even though her mother was  a hard worker and able to create a good sustenance financially, for some reason she projected unconsciously, all this lack from her upbringing to her daughter. It doesn’t mean she doesn’t love her, because I know she does.

     Her daughter, my friend has overcompensated,  by creating a life filled with so much joy, so much love and generosity of spirit for a tremendous amount of people, including a tremendous amount of financial stability and financial wealth.  What she feels still in her heart, is a sense  of lack, because she thinks she is needing  acknowledgement from her mother to feel filled.  (more…)

  • Leap of Faith and Taking Baby Steps

    baby-toddlerWhat if your destiny is nothing but taking small steps, led by a vision that you have initialized by a leap of faith in your hopes dreams and desires, and you are taken into a reality that becomes your destiny. For me, the word “destiny” or “fate” connotates sometimes something too big and therefore a sense of being unattainable.

     I know that I have taken many steps towards a vision, but sometimes give up hope because the steps seem too much. t’s like stopping at 10,000 steps when the  10001 step was the critical one that takes a quantum turn which then catapults you to your destiny which seemed unfathomable in step 9,999.  It is that leap of faith as you hold on to your vision supported by a love so great from a higher power or God, that I imagine can lead me to what I thought at certain times unattainable.

    I have many big hopes and dreams for a greater life for my son and myself- for a better life and for a vision I have of inspiring children. Maybe I am on step 4999. That trust in a higher power is my fuel to continue all the remaining steps. Little by little, step by step. You never know, maybe step 5001 is that quantum step, or it could be 10001. Who knows.

    But it sure does feel better knowing that I WILL be at a destination – my destiny soon enough, as long as I continue taking those baby
    steps.

  • Tending the Garden

    zebra-cterpillars-on-vine-april-17-08-first-time-seeing-024I haven’t tended to my garden much since my surgery in June because I couldn’t. I was able to observe it walking around with my crutches and walker while I recuperated.  But I couldn’t take out all the weeds that were accumulating around my passion vine, which attracts butterflies or my bleeding heart vine which has a beautiful red flower.

    Today I took the plunge and while the vines were growing amazingly, the weeds were entangled in these vines. I had to tend to my garden because it seemed the garden was becoming a mess. The same goes with all our relationships. If we don’t tend to them, and disentangle the “weeds”, life suddenly becomes chaotic. As you tend and disentangle and clean out the debris and the bad weeds, the beauty and simplicity of the good vines shine freely, so the beauty of them can be appreciated.

  • Strong Yet Vulnerable

    It’s approaching that 3 month stage of getting to know someone new in a relationship that has the potential to expand into something very deep and beautiful. But those vulnerabilities kick in as you are attempting to establish whether or not the relationship is going somewhere or not.

    At an older age where there has been divorce and other disappointments, its hard to trust and be free and vulnerable. Then there comes into play the children and blended families. How can all this be embraced in a harmonious way. Right when you think something is going so good, the axe may come and rip it apart.  I meditated today, reminding myself what I wrote to a friend who is suffering from a very broken heart- to feel whole in herself, to feel her heart mending so she can love once again freely and happily.

     In my case, I spent many years alone(4) since my last relationship, and have mended much within myself. But love is so vulnerable, that even though I feel strong in my heart, I have to remind myself that I am doing it different now, and see the wholeness within myself, free of lack. This way I can ground myself more fully with who I am and if it is to come that the relationship gets axed by whatever party involved, I will not be so broken.

     I will be able to move freely without any loss. Yes, the words are easy to say, but when that vulnerability and rawness is so open and
    present, you can’t but help to going into the sensation of sadness if something is to break up. I have felt some confusion and questioning this past week if this is possible while juggling all my other things_ work and time with my son and time for myself.

     After reflecting I thought that if something is meant to be, and it is truly real, then God can rearrange all events so that it can flow and
    be harmonious. Again, I am surrendering to whatever is my own highest good. The vulnerability is there. I am starting to feel a lot for this person, yet when the uncertainty comes into play, I tend to close up to not feel that vulnerability. But I don’t want to close up. I want to feel whatever fears come up and move through them and trust that God will guide me in my highest path