Usually, I put my mind to something and set out to accomplish a goal. I am good at writing things down and checking off my to do list as I move on. I try to maintain the vision of the bigger picture so I don’t get lost in a sea of endless details. In this whole blog, I talk about holding a vision while simultaneously restructuring and releasing a crumbled past(a.ka. meltdowns!)
Holding the vision that has been etched in my mind(and in a ton of notes) is not difficult. However, feeling lost in my sea of doing & doing sometimes gives me an uneasy sense of being lost. Yet, the vision is very clear. The other key factors before embarking on a vision are there: risk, motivation, commitment, investment in time, willingness to learn, confidence in myself and my persistence to take action steps which hopefully will lead to concrete results.
It is those concrete action steps that so many people talk about that end up in my sense of feeling overwhelmed. Thus, the occasional wobbliness kicks in. Every day, I keep on consciously defining my goals to keep myself in check and making sure I am charting the right path. I sense that I am. However, in the day to day grind, it sure feels chaotic.
I looked up the word chaos in google and came across this video about Chaos Theory. Some of the descriptions in the video are:
On the edge of radical change, inherently unpredictable and ….reflecting the unpredictability of human behavior.
Again, I am not a scientist that can explain this whole Chaos Theory. The video is a summary. All I can say is that my life certainly feels very unpredictable at times. I muster all my courage and will to attempt a logical path that will lead me to more security. While it might seem that there seems to be no order at times in all my doing, I do sense there is some underlying order to the chaos. I believe this is so because my vision is crystal clear. I know I have to continue in the sea of doing, which makes me dizzy sometimes, in order to find the order to the seeming disorder.
I couldn’t predict the unpredictability of my sister’s inaction in the light of all her talent. But I do believe that the enormous baby action steps I have taken will lead me to a much better place. This I am sure of. For now, I am looking for committed collaborators for my personal projects and hopefully, someone unexpectedly will show up.
In the meantime, I will continue to do my day job which is marketing & social media for my brother’s business and new prospects that have been inquiring of my services. The offer my brother gave me in June was an unpredictable event which charted my new path. At least, I feel I am the captain of my ship and am prepared for any unpredicatble turn.
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