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Category: Personal Growth

Grieving Sparky – The Ultimate Companion

Last night after I wrote my last post, I stayed up on the computer for a bit, then laid down to watch some Tivo recordings. I watched the interview of Elizabeth Edwards with Oprah. She said that whatever has happened with her husband’s extramarital affairs doesn’t affect her.

Although I disagree, I give her a lot of credit for taking that stance because she is also dealing with a terminal illness, cancer. She says the doctors don’t tell her how long she has to live. It could be one year or 10. The point is that she is diagnosed with something terminal. So she is focusing on her family and what she has built to attain that bubble of the “Edward’s family.” And most importantly, she is focused on her small children. That is admirable and it takes a lot of courage to take that stance.

If I were diagnosed with terminal cancer and at the same time find out that my husband was having an affair AND have small children to attend to, it really would be too much too bear. That is why I support her stance. Personally, I would leave the man. Who cares that they built a 23,000 sq. foot dream home three years ago. What good is a huge house if that house is filled with thoughts of betrayal? I’d rather be alone. (more…)

May 14, 2009
Sparky’s Spirit is In My Heart

Sparky & Me April 14, 2009

It is 1:11AM as I sit to write this. I just came back from taking Sparky to the vet where the people from Pet-Heaven will take care of his remains. What remains is the beautiful spirit of Sparky in my heart. Just after I wrote the last post, I laid down to see if he would settle down. I had tried to do that earlier but he got restless. And I got restless. Most nights, if I was on the computer, he would wait until I would lay down to sleep with the lights off. That is when he would come and sleep next to me on his cushion, right next to my bed. It was a daily ritual which I always thought was sweet.

As I laid down, I lit a candle with the lights off. He stood in the doorway and looked at me, turned around and went into Cristian’s room. I got the thought that he wanted the lights out. I blew out the candle and he came back to my room, and right that minute he collapsed next to me on his cushion. I got up from my bed, gave him a big hug and he took his last breath. This all happened within 15 minutes of my last post.

Cristian came in and hugged him too as we both cried together. Cristian said it was bittersweet. We were happy to share this moment and that Sparky took his last breath this way. My sister was on her way with my niece to see him for the last time, but when she arrived it was too late. We all then took him to the vet. As I left, I felt at peace for the way this happened. It was very fast and unexpected. His paw was already healing, but at least he didn’t suffer too much. Time to rest.

Sparky & Cristian April 24, 2009

May 8, 2009
My Beautiful Companion Will Go To Sleep

Sparky on the Way to the Vet Today

I took Sparky, my beautiful labrador back to the vet today to speak to the Doctor about my options. The one that was attending him with the paw issue was not there yesterday. He showed me the x-rays again and explained that there is barely any lung space for him to breathe. He has three tumors and it is blocking his lungs. The cancer is all in his chest cavaty. I was thinking in my mind that maybe Sparky had a few months to live. But as I was driving there, I saw Sparky’s breathing getting heavier and heavier.

Cristian had to lift him into the car. Any movement like this is causing stress to his heart. He barely was able to walk in the vet’s office. To my shock, the vet told me that he only maybe has 1 week to live. I have been crying off and on today while trying to do some work. While at the vet, I called Cristian to tell him that we have to put him to sleep because he is in of pain. Cristian started crying. He wasn’t expecting this so sudden. Neither was I. I brought him back home so we could have one last night with Sparky. (more…)

May 7, 2009
When It Rains It Pours

I got back from the vet around 7PM. I have been raining tears down my face for a couple of hours.Sparky has cancer. That is why he didn’t have energy. The x-rays show it already has spread to his heart and lungs, so it looks pretty bad. It is not related to his paw.

Just when I thought he was getting better, and now this. And the weird thing is that in the afternoon right before I went to the vet, I made one of the best connections in the last six months with an asset manager. My thought was wow, just when I was throwing in the towel, I finally get some potential good news on my business. It still has happened yet, but it was a very good connection.

I am still processing this feeling with Sparky. I have never loved a pet so much as I have him. He has been my constant companion. I brought him home and chose not to put him on IV’s and chemotherapy. My brother says it is the best thing to do for now until I see him in unbearable distress. He is walking and ate tonight. What a long road this has been. (more…)

May 6, 2009
Depression Sets in With Sparky

Since my last update on Sparky on April 19th, I’ve noticed that he seems depressed and has lost over five pounds. Since that day that I gave him the sedative, I only had to give it to him one more time this past weekend. The reason I did this was because the vet had taken off the splint on Friday. So now Sparky only has a bandage and I was worried that if I left him alone all day Saturday, the temptation to take off the bandage would be great. If sparky took off the bandage and started to lick his wound again, we would end up in square one.

He has been leaving his paw alone for the past three weeks. But now I wonder if the pill was too strong for him. Even when Cristian takes him for a walk, he says he is unmotivated. Maybe that drug is too strong.

I just took this picture of him sitting in the doorway. It is about 2 feet from my desk. He usually goes out in the sun when I leave the door open for him. His breathing is kind of heavy too, so I am kind of worried. Today I am going to the vet again. (more…)

May 6, 2009
Throwing In The Towel For The New Ship

In this cover story of USA Today, Chrysler has filed Chapter 11 bankruptcy. It says it is “their last ditch attempt to get in order before partnering with Italian automaker Fiat.” It also say that in 1980 the company “survived a near-death experience with government loans in the 1980’s and rebounded a few years later.”

There is a saying: “What comes up, must come down.” You don’t hear so much: “What comes down, must come up.” That would be the rebound. If the crash is too hard, it might end up dead and have no fate of survival.

Having had a near death experience, rebounding and now having a new “crash” in my career, I definitely feel like a ping pong ball. Why can’t it be: “What comes up stays up?” I know whatever circumstances I have experienced are a result of my own actions. I am not blaming anyone. Most of the time, I end up doing my work alone. The main reason was because I put most of my focus in these last 13 years on raising my son. I wrote about it here in this article titled, Let Cupid Point You in the Right Direction. (more…)

May 1, 2009