It’s approaching that 3 month stage of getting to know someone new in a relationship that has the potential to expand into something very deep and beautiful. But those vulnerabilities kick in as you are attempting to establish whether or not the relationship is going somewhere or not.
At an older age where there has been divorce and other disappointments, its hard to trust and be free and vulnerable. Then there comes into play the children and blended families. How can all this be embraced in a harmonious way. Right when you think something is going so good, the axe may come and rip it apart. I meditated today, reminding myself what I wrote to a friend who is suffering from a very broken heart- to feel whole in herself, to feel her heart mending so she can love once again freely and happily.
In my case, I spent many years alone(4) since my last relationship, and have mended much within myself. But love is so vulnerable, that even though I feel strong in my heart, I have to remind myself that I am doing it different now, and see the wholeness within myself, free of lack. This way I can ground myself more fully with who I am and if it is to come that the relationship gets axed by whatever party involved, I will not be so broken.
I will be able to move freely without any loss. Yes, the words are easy to say, but when that vulnerability and rawness is so open and
present, you can’t but help to going into the sensation of sadness if something is to break up. I have felt some confusion and questioning this past week if this is possible while juggling all my other things_ work and time with my son and time for myself.
After reflecting I thought that if something is meant to be, and it is truly real, then God can rearrange all events so that it can flow and
be harmonious. Again, I am surrendering to whatever is my own highest good. The vulnerability is there. I am starting to feel a lot for this person, yet when the uncertainty comes into play, I tend to close up to not feel that vulnerability. But I don’t want to close up. I want to feel whatever fears come up and move through them and trust that God will guide me in my highest path
That is how long it has been since I have blogged. This project for me has been like my little baby. I’ve nurtured all the messages I’ve written and feel in a way like I abandoned ship. But I do have good reason. I have been nurturing my soul in a new way. I met someone before my surgery and after my halo on my ankle wasremoved, I have been out like a free bird enjoying the light heartedness that comes with dating some one new that feels like it has potential to grow into something deeper.