Dear Maria, we dreamed two years ago of many things we could do together. With your talent as a mental health therapist for almost 30 years and my wanting to inspire others to follow their dreams, much could have been done. Yesterday my poinciana tree keeled over from its immense weight and now an electric cord is underneath it buried in the beautiful fuschia leaves.
I called Florida Power and Light yesterday frantic that the electric power cord was going to snap especially since it was raining so hard. Luckily, as of today,it still has not snapped.
There have been many times that my frazzled mind has felt like that electrical cord on the verge of snapping because of my career as a real estate broker turned upside down in the last two years. I never imagined the immense hardship I would have to face. Even though I am blessed with the gift of my beautiful son, family and friends who have supported me every step of the way, I didn’t expect it would be so difficult to get back on my feet again with my work.
Times have definitely changed. My ego has been bruised badly because I was one, in the past, to bounce back from any challenge pretty fast. The difference in this one is that it puts myself in yet another challenge of finding a job if the bank listings don’t materialize. My real estate work sustained me well for 24 years. I know I have made the best effort to make a living to continue supporting my son, even throughout this chaos.
These past weeks, I think I feel like this poinciana tree. The weight sometimes seems much to bear. But as I said to you yesterday on the phone when we finally spoke about our dream, it is because of my pit bull hold to my dreams, that I have been able to go through this intense year without snapping. I am following not only my heart, but my logic to continue to take every step to find the right opportunities.
But losing Sparky on May 7th was like a last straw in my pit bull hold of the dream we had together. I had let go partially a few months ago. I am letting go further now and trusting that God will continue to guide us in our paths. As I said to you yesterday, I will always love you for who you are. You are not only my sister, but a beautiful person with much talent.
For now, I continue to move along during this continual challenge I am facing in my career. I know when I write, it helps my heavy heart to heal. I blog here in the hopes that I can inspire someone else to never let go of their dreams no matter what challenge comes before them. Time can be our enemy. That is what most people say. They don’t have time. But somehow, I have found the time while in the chaos. Ironically, it has been in the chaos and in my worst times, that my heart keeps getting stronger. That is why I know I can never let go of my dreams. They are so etched in my heart from my strong willed persistence in taking small steps along the way. I think I am beginning to see and realize that is is those dreams engrained deeply in my heart that have made me stronger and not let me snap and feel like I was losing my mind.
Maybe I had to lose a part of my mind anyway: my old mental limited conditioning and allow some chaos in my life as a further test to how strong my heart really is. For now, I changed the page “about us”. It is not deleted. Please note that I have been waiting since July 1st, 2008. It is almost a year. I understand that you are a mother, wife and full time employee. I know you need to do what you need to do. Even if it takes you five years, it’s OK. Don’t worry, the “about us” page is in draft, kind of like in suspense, waiting for you to come around. Your talents are very much needed. I believe very much in you.
That can be changed and made visible on the blog in an instant. It is up to you….time can be your best friend or your worst enemy.
I love you always, your sister, Blanca
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