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  • Strong Yet Vulnerable

    It’s approaching that 3 month stage of getting to know someone new in a relationship that has the potential to expand into something very deep and beautiful. But those vulnerabilities kick in as you are attempting to establish whether or not the relationship is going somewhere or not.

    At an older age where there has been divorce and other disappointments, its hard to trust and be free and vulnerable. Then there comes into play the children and blended families. How can all this be embraced in a harmonious way. Right when you think something is going so good, the axe may come and rip it apart.  I meditated today, reminding myself what I wrote to a friend who is suffering from a very broken heart- to feel whole in herself, to feel her heart mending so she can love once again freely and happily.

     In my case, I spent many years alone(4) since my last relationship, and have mended much within myself. But love is so vulnerable, that even though I feel strong in my heart, I have to remind myself that I am doing it different now, and see the wholeness within myself, free of lack. This way I can ground myself more fully with who I am and if it is to come that the relationship gets axed by whatever party involved, I will not be so broken.

     I will be able to move freely without any loss. Yes, the words are easy to say, but when that vulnerability and rawness is so open and
    present, you can’t but help to going into the sensation of sadness if something is to break up. I have felt some confusion and questioning this past week if this is possible while juggling all my other things_ work and time with my son and time for myself.

     After reflecting I thought that if something is meant to be, and it is truly real, then God can rearrange all events so that it can flow and
    be harmonious. Again, I am surrendering to whatever is my own highest good. The vulnerability is there. I am starting to feel a lot for this person, yet when the uncertainty comes into play, I tend to close up to not feel that vulnerability. But I don’t want to close up. I want to feel whatever fears come up and move through them and trust that God will guide me in my highest path

  • Something is Stirring in America

    flag-eagle-carI have never been much of a politically involved individual as I have found myself to be this past week. As the Olympics came to an end, and as we finished watching the performances of Americas heroes such as Michael Phelps and Shannon Johnson and  many others, I was on a high. Throughout the Olympics, I was glued to the television set each night as I watched these athletes perform and reach to accomplish the dreams that they have had, many as young children. I was in awe by the idea of how all these athletes  have had their heroes journey, many overcoming many obstacles to get to that point and never giving up because that is what it takes.                       

     Then the  Olympics gave way to the Democratic National Convention and again I found myself glued to the TV each night.  I listened to the story of Barack Obama, an unlikely candidate and a Black American  running for the office of President of the  United States. I listened to his speech last night and could not help but feel my passion reignited once again to dream and hope for a better tommorrow. Yes I know that this is what candidates are supposed to do, but something happened to me as I heard him say.    ” Something across America is stirring.” All I could hear myself saying at that moment was, my God I hope so. He spoke of the American Dream of what we are all hoping for:  a better life for our families and the next generation to come.

    I felt myself getting excited and feeling that energy run through my veins. Wake up America!!!!!  We all need to resurrect our Hopes Dreams and Desires. I could feel myself saying and feeling this as I heard his words and felt them all throughout my being. We have all become way too complacent to reaching for the stars  and reaching for those hopes dreams and desires of which heroes are made of.

     
    We are living in a world of uncertainty, facing issues of economic recession, global warming and continued political unrest in the Middle East. If anything, what Barack Obama did last night in his speech is reignite those dreams that we can as a nation, as a community and that I can as an individual have those dreams of a better tommorrow.

    Someone said to me that America was not ready for a Black president. Well for one, he is of biracial parents so he is of both races.  I thought what a perfect metaphor, what a perfect way to be that bridge. When we can look past the color of our skin and focus on each other as individuals, then we are on our way to healing ourselves, our relationships and this nation. We will really be on our way to Resurrecting the Heroes that we are. We will be on our way to acomplishing all our hope dreams and desires. Yes I do believe it is possible. All it takes is that one spark.

    And to quote a less than politically influential character, buzz light year: ” To infinity and beyond!”

  • Be vulnerable or run away?

    My “new” relationship with this man has continued. I have found that because my main purpose and intent is to have a divine spiritual and uplifting relationship, it actually makes me even more vulnerable. Before I covered up my vulnerabilities with a man, that deep core part of me that connects to God in my own way, and I safely tucked it in the hidden recess of my heart and soul. (more…)

  • Time is Precious

    TIME: Where does it go? So much has happened in this summer. I let go of my crutch and in the first parent teacher meeting of the year, I walked all over my sons school, meeting all his teachers. I was able to walk freely. As they say, there is a time and a season for everything, and the season of the summer was the final season to let go and let all the fruits in. (more…)

  • Feeling my independence

    I accidentally left my one crutch that I am now using, on the side of the car and
drove off without it. I have been walking 30 percent of the time without it
around the house, but leaving the house completely without it, was like an independence.
 I went to the
grocery by myself and simply used the cart to lean when the swelling, that I
still have, bothered me. I felt "normal" again. These past months with all my
apparatuses, I felt confined, but necessary for healing my ankle and to get my
mind out of my work panic. I do feel more at ease and find myself more focused
and alert. I'm ready to move forward again in a new way. An instructor of one of
the real estate certifications I got this past month said that you have to be
like a chameleon in these times. You have to be able to adapt with what is going
on. For me, in real estate, I have to. I had no choice. Half of the listings are
foreclosures and short sales, where homeowners are upside down on what they owe.
vs. the value of the home. I know this affects many internally because of the
devaluation of our homes. But what is really "home"? Is it the structure we live
in? Or can it be something else, more intangible?

  • Who Do You Love More?

    My son has asked me many times, “Who do you love more me or Sparky?” Sparky is our beautiful eight year old Labrador.  We’ve had him since he was a puppy.  Of course I always answered my son  that I love him more than Sparky even though I adore Sparky.  And then he would ask me a lot of times, “Who do you love more, me or you?”  And to which I would always reply,”Well, I got to love me first so that I can
    really love you.”  (more…)